7 Ways to Succeed in the Face of Fear

Everyone feels fear. Sooner or later in every life, a situation arises that causes us to face that dreaded emotion. Some fears are justified, like the when you step into a crosswalk and spot a speeding car bearing down on you. This is a healthy kind of fear. In an instant your body releases a rush of adrenaline and your sympathetic nervous system kicks into action, arming you with the ability to spring quickly out of harm’s way. It’s the kind of fear that explains why we exist today — it kept our ancestors alive in much more treacherous circumstances than we experience in modern life. Those who survived passed on their genes and ensured continuation of the species — and here we are today.

Then there’s the other kind of fear. Our human minds, capable of self-awareness and anticipation, have an uncanny ability to create scenarios that drive fear into our very hearts. Unlike healthy survival-instinct-driven fear, this anticipatory fear has the potential to be paralyzing and can stop you in your tracks.

Most everyone has a fear of potentially dangerous situations — think of how many people have a visceral fear of things like spiders and snakes. These fears harken back to our drive for survival and are deeply ingrained in our animal brains. Sometimes fear grows to the point of becoming a phobia like fear of flying, or of venturing outside the home. There are a lot of therapeutic approaches that can dampen or eliminate intense phobias and professional help can help conquer disabling fear. My focus is on the second type — the anticipatory fear that can stop you in your tracks and derail your success mid-plan.

How Does Fear Inhibit Achievement?

• Fear Dwells on the Worst Possible Outcome: Our brain’s ability to anticipate the future also gives us the ability to envision a variety of outcomes. When driven by fear, the mind wraps itself around the worst-case scenario and can stay locked in place. The longer you mull over the worst that can happen, the more real it becomes. Our thoughts have a powerful ability to shape our perceptions, which in turn, impact our reality.
• Fear Drives Rigid Perfectionism: Fear can lead to an overwhelming need to be in control of everything that’s going on around you. The need for control feeds a perfectionism that is underpinned by fear of making a mistake and a desire to avoid the judgement of others. In the process, creativity and productivity become stilted and you may find yourself paralyzed by an inability to move forward until conditions are exactly right.
• Fear Weakens Boundaries: Fear can lead to a need for safety that includes a desire to avoid offending or upsetting others. You may find yourself going out of your way to avoid confrontations, or you may subjugate your needs to those around you. If you find that you fear to speak your truth or struggle when asked to give a yes or no answer, it’s an indication that your boundaries may have been compromised.
• Fear Discourages Exploration: Fear causes us to stick with the safe comfort of what we know. The thought of trying something new or experimenting with change can be daunting when we come from a place of fear. This same fear causes us to draw inward and can show up in many ways, like steering clear of opportunities to meet new people or avoiding travel.
• Fear Can Lead to Self-Medication: For some people, the fear of failure and judgement can become an obsession, permeating their lives to a point that it becomes a nagging, persistent pain that won’t let them rest. When fear becomes overwhelming, it can lead to escapism in the form of alcohol, drugs, television, excessive sleep, or obsession with work.

It’s easy to see how fear can creep into every corner of our lives, eventually blocking productivity, positivity, and success. Fear can feel so real that it almost becomes a physical force holding you rooted in place.

I spent years paralyzed by my own fear-driven inability to move forward. When I went through my divorce, things were bad — the worst possible scenario I could imagine had happened and I developed a deep-rooted fear of taking any chances. I became wrapped up in dwelling on my experience and imagined the future would be no different. I withdrew from anything that could be perceived as risky and couldn’t bring myself to look for a challenging job. I avoided dating and steered clear of situations where I’d be exposed to new people. I was immersed in a very safe, but depressingly limited life. I was existing, not living, and I eventually got tired of suffering. Once I decided to deal with fear head-on, life began to take a turn for the better. It took time, concentration, and conscious action to get there, but I learned to take risks again. Like everyone else, I still feel fear, but I now work to push outside my comfort zone regularly.

How Can I Overcome Fear?

It takes focused attention to conquer the fears that invade your thoughts. You don’t really ever get rid of fear, but you learn to live with it and pursue your dreams anyway. Here are 7 ways to develop a healthy relationship with fear so you can begin moving forward again:

1. Don’t Ignore Your Fear: You don’t have to push fear down and hide it away. Acknowledge your feelings and realize that it’s okay to experience fear. Everyone does and it makes you as human as anyone else walking the planet. When you acknowledge your fear, 3 things happen: (1) You can assess the fear: Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen and be aware of it but understand the potential positive outcomes as well; (2) You can make a plan to deal with potential pitfalls along the way and approach the situation proactively; (3) You can learn from it: Find others who are successful, despite similar fears. Find out what they did and how they coped with the fear. Follow in the footsteps of those who’ve conquered fear before you.
2. Talk about your fear: Open up to people around you about your fears. Risk being vulnerable and ask a friend for advice or encouragement to keep you focused on your mission. If you want an objective party to assist you, seek the help of a mentor or coach who works with people who’ve been in similar situations to your own.
3. Embrace the present: Dwelling constantly on a future that hasn’t come yet can leave you stressed and depressed. Pull back and focus on the present moment. A good exercise to help you focus is this: sit quietly, breathe deeply, and repeat to yourself, “This moment is perfect.” As you experience it arising — the moment you’re sitting in is perfect. No stress, and nothing happening but your breath. Life is good in this moment.
4. Practice Relaxation: Fear has a way of keeping us uptight and on edge, not only mentally, but physically as well. Muscle tension, headaches, and stomach ailments are common manifestations of stress carried far too long. Meditation and deep breathing are two practices that help waken the parasympathetic nervous system, counteracting stress in body and mind.
5. Recognize and Counter Overwhelm: Focusing only on the big picture can feel overwhelming. If you catch yourself getting worked up over the enormity of it all, take a deep breath and determine your first step, then the next, and the next after that. Breaking the big picture into manageable pieces simplifies the mission. Staying focused on one step at a time counteracts the tendency to feel overwhelmed.
6. Let Go of Perfectionism: If you’re a control freak, like me, this one can be hard. But it’s incredibly gratifying. Perfectionism creates a lot of unnecessary misery because you are chasing a standard that’s impossible to maintain. Free yourself from the idea that everything must be perfect. “Good” is an acceptable standard. Be kind to yourself and know that leaving room for improvement is a healthy thing. If you’ve created something good — or good enough — go ahead and ship it.
7. Continually Seek Your Growing Edge: Fear and discomfort are often traveling companions. I am a fan of aversion therapy, where continued exposure to one’s fears gradually makes them familiar and less threatening. I experienced this with flying. I used to be terrified to fly and was dismayed when I discovered I had to fly — a lot — for work. After a few months of practically living on a plane and in airports, I learned to enjoy the experience and now look forward to traveling. When you encounter something you fear, find a way to embrace it. If public speaking scares you, join a group like Toastmasters and force yourself to speak in front of others. If you’re afraid to share your writing, start a blog and put it out there. Everything improves with practice. It may feel like torture at first, but use the steps above to help build your focus. Then do it anyway.

You don’t have to let fear dictate the quality of your life or the significance of your achievements.

Here’s the Thing … Fear sucks, and everyone encounters it sooner or later. Believe in the power of you — You have the strength, courage, and perseverance to triumph over fear.

Originally published at https://www.kailynsarros.com.