Grow Your Influence: How to Build This Powerful Skill to Reach Your Goals

Rule #1: Don’t be a jerk.

I’ve met tons people and built some incredible friendships in life. And honestly, a lot of people I crossed paths with were unremarkable. I couldn’t recall their name or the context of our conversation if you paid me a million dollars.

But there are others who stand out in brilliant contrast against the beige backdrop of the day-to-day. These people have something extra. They draw others into their circle with little effort. What they say and do resonates at a higher level — and being in their presence is memorable.

People gravitate to these people for advice. Their names always come up in casual conversation. Most of them are ordinary people, not celebrities or high-flying CEOs. Even so, they’re the ones that stand out in the crowd. What quality sets them apart?

One thing: Influence.

What is Influence?

Influence is powerful. It’s this uncanny ability to leave your mark on the people and things around you. Influence is part art and part science and it’s almost unfair that some people seem like they were born with an influence gene.

The good news: it’s a skill anyone can learn with a little practice.

Why Does Influence Matter?

Influence plays a powerful role in moving you toward your goals. Successful people understand how to use this quality to get things done. People like Elon Musk, Richard Branson, and Gary Vaynerchuk wield it with skill.

Influence builds trust and credibility which helps you become a recognized authority and leader.

How Do You Build Influence?

Using the power of influence wisely can give you a significant boost in life. It can be a powerful positive force for good, not only for you, but for those in your sphere of influence.

On the flip side, when abused, influence can cause an incredible amount of pain and damage. Remember, Karma’s a bitch, so use your powers for good, not evil.

10 Ways to Grow Your Influence

Always Be Authentic:

Authenticity is the linchpin of influence. There’s a sucker born every minute and they might buy into a well-crafted batch of bullpucky. But most people’s BS-detectors have evolved enough to know when someone’s peddling fakery. Without authenticity others will question your motives. Once you lose credibility it becomes hard to get anyone to trust or follow you.

Invest in Relationships:

Focus on relationships. Start by giving 100% attention to the people you spend time with. Whatever you do, stop the annoying habit of sneaking furtive glances at your phone or watch — we can see you — and it makes us feel like you can’t wait to get away.

Take a real interest in people. Instead of talking about yourself, get curious. Ask questions, then ask follow-up questions. Be attentive and enthralled.

Remember the names of significant others and their kids. Send a kind note on birthdays and special days. Connect outside the 9-to-5 and invite them to connect over coffee or an event.

Become an Active Listener:

Steven Covey says we often listen with intent to respond, and not with intent to understand. Stay present in conversation and try not to judge. Hold off on formulating that brilliant response in your head while the other person is speaking.

Use active listening skills to deepen connection. Make eye contact. Show you understand or empathize by nodding or giving a brief word of encouragement. Acknowledge and validate the speaker by mirroring back what you’ve heard, “What I’m hearing you say is…”

Be a Collaborator, Not a Competitor:

We humans can be a competitive bunch. If you’re a natural competitor, the drive can sneak up in your professional and personal life before you realize it’s happening.

Being a ruthless competitor can destroy trust and influence. When others see you as the competition, the first thing they’ll do is put up protective walls to shut you out.

Drop the competitive vibe and look for ways to bring people together. People welcome the chance to build productive, meaningful relationships through partnership. Collaboration opens doors.

Confidence = Good, Arrogance = Bad:

Confidence inspires action, but too much confidence can cross into arrogance territory. Arrogance is a huge turnoff. No one likes to deal with a self-aggrandizing nob.

Confidence is an awareness of the value you bring to the table. Share your pluses with modesty and humility. If you catch yourself bragging about your awesomeness in an unseemly way, stop talking. Know the line between confidence and arrogance to keep your influence intact.

Bottom line: Confidence draws people into your circle, while arrogance will cost you valuable allies.

Be an Idea Seeker:

Being influential doesn’t mean you know everything there is to know.

Invite people in and ask for their feedback and ideas. Seek out diverse perspectives and sources of information. People love to get on your side when they have skin in the game.

Value and honor other people’s ideas to bring them along on the journey. You’ll build powerful alliances with others who will fight alongside you as you strive to reach your goals.

Become a Trusted Expert

Build your skills. Seek knowledge. Become a subject matter expert.

Expertise is a good way to build your confidence. It also increases the confidence others have in you. When you get a reputation as a subject matter expert, people gravitate toward your ideas. They will seek you out and count you as a trusted advisor.

Never stop growing because things change at the speed of light. Even if you’re super knowledgeable, make a practice of ongoing learning. Curate and share the latest news, information and insights that you gather along the way. It will cement you as a go-to authority on your subject.

Help Others Get What They Want:

I love the Zig Ziglar quote, “You can have everything in life you want, if you just help other people get what they want.”

Everybody wants something. Be a force for good by helping them get it. People want things like acknowledgement, recognition, and appreciation. Others are looking for an opportunity for personal or professional development.

Learn how you can help the people around you and do what you can to support their wants and needs. Some day they may return the favor.

Give Credit Where it is Due:

If someone helps you get a successful result, don’t be stingy with your praise. Give credit often, generously and in public. Acknowledgement is motivational rocket fuel. Great leaders don’t hog the spotlight.

Be Consistent:

No trust = no influence. The definition of trust is a “firm belief in the reliability… of someone or something.”

Consistency builds trust. People need to know they can depend on you and that you are true to your word.

Show up, keep your commitments and be consistent in what you say and what you do. Avoid gossip and trash talking like the plague. One moment of inconsistency can destroy year's worth of work that you put into building trust.

Recap

Influence is a powerful tool.

It can lift the people around you and showcase your skills as a competent and confident leader. Using your powers for good will grow your influence. It can also help others reach their most important personal and professional goals.

Use this superpower with care and it will smooth the path to reaching your goals.