How One Simple Equation Can Increase Your Peace and Lower Stress
You become what you believe
Anxiety is my constant companion. It trots merrily beside me like a faithful dog. Sometimes it shows up as a quiet whisper stirring concern. Other times it’s a screaming banshee, loudly piercing my carefully cultivated veil of peace. Whatever the volume, I always prided myself on how well I managed my anxiety at a functional level.
Until late last year.
That’s when a joint property purchase with my parents went sideways. Their failure to disclose key financial information was going to hit me in my pocketbook. I obsessed over the situation, ruminating over how much money I was going to lose and how ugly things could get if I had to take legal action. Lesson learned: get everything in writing, especially when it involves family.
At the same time, I was planning a wedding with my husband 7,500 miles away in Australia. Travel had picked up for work and I was running myself ragged trying to keep up with a demanding job and the upcoming holiday season. I had a lot on my plate and my parents’ revelation pushed me toward the precipice. When everything collided, it ended in a series of panic attacks that had me convinced I was about to die.
My long loyal companion had turned on me. Anxiety finally jumped up to bite me on the ass. All the old family issues that I thought were dead and buried began clawing their way to the surface in an emotional zombie apocalypse.
I felt overwhelmed and knew I couldn’t deal with the situation on my own, so I found a good therapist. Therapy has been a life-saver, helping me get my anxiety in check. One of my biggest takeaways so far is about the power of belief.
Early in our sessions my therapist shared an equation with me. It goes like this:
A + B = C
It translates like this: A (An event) + B (Our belief about the event) = C (Action or response).
As a trainer and coach, I am familiar with this concept, but I was way too close to my problems. That closeness blurred my perspective and made it hard to find a solution.
I came to realize my belief about recent events had me thinking things were much worse than they actually were.
A + B = C may be the only equation you’ll ever need.
Here’s how this simple equation can help you reframe the common false beliefs that contribute to stress:
False Belief #1: Everyone is out to get me
My belief that my parents were out to screw me over created tension. I felt angry, betrayed and trapped in a bad situation. That thinking amped up my anxiety. Vulnerability makes it easy to believe that others have bad intentions — that they’re out to get us.
I needed to replace the narrative that my parents meant to cause financial harm if I wanted to lower my anxiety. The more likely truth is that my parents are irresponsible with money. I’m unfortunate collateral damage.
Does it change my situation? No, but it changes my perspective and frees me to take appropriate action.
When you feel like the world is against you, take a moment to pause. Ask yourself, are there other possible answers? What if it’s not what you think? Choosing what to believe can help bring peace of mind in a challenging situation.
Example:
A: Event triggers old belief (they’re out to get me), plus
B: New Belief (they’re irresponsible), equals
C: Action (I won’t do any more financial deals with them)
False Belief #2: I’m trapped and powerless
When things go wrong, it can feel like we have no control of the situation. Feeling trapped and powerless is anxiety-provoking. Our limbic brain equates being trapped with a real survival threat. Your body responds with a rush of adrenaline and increased heart rate. Those physical sensations stoke feelings of anxiety.
Reframing the thoughts: “I’m trapped” or “It’s hopeless” can help you reclaim your power. Check in with a few questions: “Am I really trapped?” “Can I still come and go as I please?” “How can I distance myself from the situation?”
Example:
A: Event triggering old belief (I’m trapped), plus
B: New Belief (it’s a crappy situation, but it’s temporary), equals
C: Action (creating an action plan)
False Belief #3: If I fail, I’m worthless
It’s common to tie our identity to our work and our passions. Putting yourself out there whether it be a career risk or a creative endeavor is a real and vulnerable thing to do. Going public with your plans can elevate anxiety because there’s an added element of judgement from others.
What if you switch up the narrative around failure? Instead of failure being an indictment of your value, what if you saw it as simply information?
Example:
A: Event triggering old belief (I’m a failure), plus
B: New Belief (This gives me valuable information to be successful), equals
C: Action (Reworking the plan and trying again)
False Belief #4: I don’t have enough knowledge to do what I want
Once upon a time, formal education was considered the key path to success. That’s no longer the case. We live in a content-heavy world. If you want to learn something new you can Google it, watch a YouTube video or take a low-cost online course. Resources are many and at your fingertips.
Example:
A: Event triggering old belief (I don’t know enough), plus
B: New Belief (I can figure this out), equals
C: Action (research and learning)
This equation works for all sorts of scenarios that can catch you out and leave you stressed.
The next time life has you feeling cornered and stressed, remember the simple equation that can help you get back on track: A + B = C, because beliefs are powerful.
